Trusting Your Own Voice
5 Things you might be doing when you're not TRUSTING YOUR OWN VOICE
HEDGING
Do you find yourself saying things like, “Does that make sense?” or “I’m not sure if I’m explaining this very well…” after you've made a point?
These little phrases can be a sign that you're not quite trusting your voice — or trusting that what you've said is clear enough.
Instead of immediately checking whether someone has understood, try allowing a little space. Trust that if someone doesn't understand, they'll ask a follow-up question. You can then provide more detail or explain it in a different way.
And if you notice that you're frequently being asked to explain yourself further, that's useful information too. It might be an indication that you need to rethink how you're communicating the idea — rather than simply adding a question at the end to reassure yourself.
Another thing to practise is how you finish your sentences.
When we're uncertain, we can sometimes allow our voice to lift at the end of a statement, making it sound more like a question.
QUICK TIP:
Try finishing with a downward inflection instead.
You're not trying to sound overly authoritative. You're simply allowing your voice to communicate: I know what I'm saying, and I'm comfortable saying it.
That's what trusting your voice sounds like.
OVER-EXPLAINING
Do you find yourself adding more and more detail rather than purely making your point?
Sometimes we keep talking because we're worried that what we've said hasn't been clear enough, interesting enough, or convincing enough. So we add another example, another explanation, or another way of saying the same thing.
But often, the more we add, the less impact the original point has.
Trust that you don't have to explain everything all at once. Give people the space to take in what you've said. If they need more information, they can ask.
This doesn't mean being brief for the sake of it. Some things genuinely need explanation. The question is: are you adding value, or are you talking because you're uncomfortable with the silence?
QUICK TIP
Say your point, then stop.
Practise noticing the moment when you've said what you intended to say — and resist the urge to add more. Let the silence do some of the work.
You might be surprised by how much more confident you sound when you trust that enough can be enough.
NOT TRUSTING YOURSELF TO TAKE A PAUSE
“Um…”, “uh…”, “you know…”, “sort of…”
We all use filler words from time to time. They're a natural part of speaking, and there's no need to eliminate every single one.
But if you're using them every time you need to think, they can sometimes become a cructh and reveal that you're not trusting yourself to pause.
We can feel that a pause is awkward, so we fill it. We keep talking while our brain catches up, rather than allowing ourselves a moment to think about what we actually want to say.
But silence isn't a failure.
A pause can make you sound more considered.
Instead of reaching for “um” or “uh”, give yourself permission to stop. Take a breath. Think. Then continue.
QUICK TIP
Practise replacing your filler word with a pause.
Record yourself answering a question for 30 seconds. Listen back and notice every time you say “um”, “uh” or another filler.
Then try it again — but each time you feel the filler coming, say nothing instead.
At first, the silence might feel really uncomfortable and much longer than it actually is.
Trust the pause. Your audience isn't sitting there counting the seconds. They're simply waiting for you to continue.
ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Of course, there are times when we genuinely need permission. But sometimes we ask for it when we don't actually need it.
"Would it be ok if I just...?" "Can I just add something?" These phrases can be a subtle way of seeking reassurance before we speak — as though we need someone else to confirm that what we have to say is worth hearing.
Also notice the word “just.”
That little word can minimise what you're about to say before you've even said it.
Try trusting that you are allowed to contribute.
Instead of asking for permission, state what you want to contribute clearly and confidently.
Quick tip
Take out the “just” and turn the question into a statement.
Instead of: "Can I just add something?” try “I'd like to add something.”
Rather than "Is it OK if I make a suggestion?” Try “I'd like to make a suggestion.”
It's a small change, but notice how different it feels.
You're not asking to be allowed to have a voice. You're using it.
SECOND-GUESSING YOURSELF
"This might be a stupid question" These phrases are a way of second-guessing yourself before you've even spoken.
You're effectively asking your audience to judge your contribution before they've heard it — and, often, you're judging yourself at the same time.
What if you asked the question anyway?
What if you trusted that curiosity isn't stupid, that you don't have to know everything, and that your perspective might be useful even if someone else sees things differently?
You don't need to establish that your contribution is clever, important or worthwhile before you make it.
Let other people decide what they take from it.
Quick tip
Catch the disclaimer and delete it.
The next time you hear yourself thinking, “This might be a stupid question…”, stop there.
Take a breath — and ask the question.
You might find that once you stop pre-judging your own voice, you're much more willing to use it.
I hope these quick tips help - let me know if you try any of them!
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